You Matter!
Once upon a time a very, very tall young woman slinked into my office for counseling. Sandy (not her real name) seemed to be deliberately bent over, obviously trying to hide the fact she was tall. Sincere, but shy and lonely, she had all the symptoms of someone trying to hide the thing in her life she did not like. Once upon another time what I experienced at a big dinner party could serve as a microcosm for what Sandy was experiencing in all of life. When I bent over to pick something up my pants’ seam came apart from the rear, under me, all the way to the front. My underwear was totally exposed in the rear. Circumstances prohibited my exiting the party, so I backed around all night! It was very hard paying attention to others, so intent was I on hiding my “inadequacy.” It made me feel shy, self-conscious, and lonely that whole evening. Not fun!
So goes all of life for anyone who feels they have to hide (often unconsciously) the part of themselves they feel is flawed. So goes life — in some measure — for us all, for we are all “flawed.” The word in vogue today is “shame.” Shame is what I felt at that dinner party. But there’s a difference between my shame and Sandy’s shame. I deserved to feel shame. It was shameful for me to — ostensibly — walk around in my underwear. Okay, it was an accident but I could have disappeared for 15 minutes and done a makeshift fixit. With Sandy, it was different. She was not responsible — God was. The reason for her shame? She felt her height was a fault — a fault of her own. I’m sure stares from others, behind-the-back snickering by some, and no doubt the cruelty so common among school kids added to her sense of shame as she was growing up. Her entire identity was being shaped through the eyes of others — not the eyes of God.
Then a wonderful thing happened. Sandy worked with deaf children. She loved her work. Prompted, I’m sure by God’s Spirit, I asked if any child she worked with stood out in her mind. She immediately named a little boy she said was an amazing child. She couldn’t say enough good about him — his character, his attitude, his kindness, his emotional maturity. His being deaf, she said, had forced him to have a great understanding and sensitivity of the needs of others, a perception that was remarkable. I dared to ask the magic question, “If you had been God’s birth-assistant and it was in your power to make this little boy have hearing ears, would you have done it?” Without hesitation she said, “Oh, no! I would have made him deaf just as he is! Unawares, Sandy had become her own counselor. I suggested to her that God had something wonderful in mind when he made her tall. I took her to Psalm 139: You formed my innermost being, shaping my delicate inside and my intricate outside, and wove them all together in my mother’s womb. I thank you, God, for making me so mysteriously complex! …. How thoroughly you know me, Lord! You even formed every bone in my body when you created me in the secret place, carefully, skillfully shaping me from nothing to something. You saw who you created me to be before I became me! (The Passion Translation)
Who Are You? — Really?
Mimi and I had a life-changing question put to us at a seminar once — a question to ask yourself now: Out of life’s four irreversible categories — Appearance (what you see in a mirror); Aptitude (IQ, talents, abilities); Ancestry (parents, all forebears); Ambiance (all circumstances) — what one or two things over-all would you change in your life if given the magical power to do so? Stop! What’s your answer? Do what I asked Sandy to do: Thank God for it — that wonderful thing that makes you unique. In fact, it makes you the you God intended. I hesitate to reference a children’s story to illustrate this most profound truth, but Rudolf’s nose says it all. You grieve God’s Spirit if you resist how he made you. My biggie was God’s “mistake” in the severe-disciplinarian-father he gave me. After thanking God, he showed me that my dad had been the anvil — much deplored early on, but desperately needed — upon which my life was shaped.
The White Stone — and You!
Every Christian knows salvation is not earned through one’s own righteousness but by trusting in Christ alone, after which the goal is to become more like Him. And that process does not mean mimicking Jesus. It means becoming fully yourself. Until you have given yourself up to Him you will not have a real self (C.S. Lewis). We’ll never get to be fully ourselves in this life because we remain sinners (though forgiven sinners) — the essence of which is resisting to be ourselves. Jesus was the only sinless person — fully himself. But you’ll get there in the life to come when God who knows and loves you gives you a white stone with your private and perfect name on it (Revelation 2:17). God loved you so much he gave his only Son that trusting in Him you will not perish — never knowing who you are — but will have life with Him forever. You matter!
