The Argument for Divorce
August Magnum, the eminent French scientist of the 1930s noted that a bumblebee’s ability to fly is aerodynamically impossible. To this day there’s an oft repeated “fact” that the humble bumblebee defies all known laws of physics. Well, I’m picking up that gauntlet and playing that same game but it’s about another of God’s creation — marriage. My thesis here is that it too is impossible — that the institution of marriage can take off but it cannot defy the odds sufficiently to stay airborne. My premise I’m exploring here is that, in time, every marriage is doomed for divorce. Here are seven reasons why I theorize marriage is kaput.
1. You Marry an Opposite.
Oh, you have the same lifestyles. You like the same people, music, surroundings, entertainment, etc. However, your personalities are opposite. That’s what attracted you. That’s extremely fascinating, and it’s extremely devastating. When you go to solve a knotty problem important to your marriage and/or family you will each have different ideas about how to solve the problem. The knot stays happy, but neither of you do.
2. You Marry any Angry Baggage that has Accrued
You both may be kind, sociable, and wear happy faces, but you and your spouse carry beneath your skin every unforgiven wrong done to you since you were in the cradle. Grudges you carry that remain unforgiven don’t disappear but collect, hidden on your human hard drive. If enough unforgivens have accrued, all kinds of bad stuff can emerge. Even a normally warmhearted person may deep down possess an embittered soul causing unexplained adverse behavior toward close family or anyone not even involved in a wrong or wrongs done to you which may have occurred long before the two of you met. Anger does not discriminate.
3. You Marry any Baggage Which May Contain Guilt
Your spouse may be nice, engaging, and good-natured, but your spouse is a guilty person if they harbor past wrongs they’ve done they’ve not worked on to make right. And such can make for an attitude that is guarded and protective with walls that won’t let the inner-person out or another in. The Bible puts it this way: The wicked are edgy with guilt, ready to run off even when no one’s after them; Honest people are relaxed and confident, bold as lions Prov.28:1(MSG). A marriage with walls won’t work. Guilt does not discriminate.
4. You Marry a Different Species
It may be a stretch to say a woman and a man are each of a different human species, but it gets the point across that men and women are different from one another — equal but very different. It has not much to do with talents, qualities, skills, interests, or physical strength. It has everything to do with essence — i.e. soul, spirit, ethos, intrinsic nature, sexual mainspring, and certain undefined matters of the heart. Coming at life as a male or female is to come from two equal but different perspectives. Major conflict is inevitable.
5. You Marry One with a Different Background
No matter how closely your married partner’s background resembles yours, it’s by nature different. Which family background traits are you going to wind up with? Practical example: Are you going to open all your Christmas gifts on Christmas Eve or on Christmas morning? You each will have to leave your family (mom/dad) and cleave to the new home you are building. This transition can cause much heated friction.
6. You Marry an Independent Person
Marriage doesn’t mean one gives up their personhood. In fact, marriage is designed so that each partner becomes more and more the person God intended each to be — more independent. But two independent opposite people living together with baggage 24/7 need to make lots of adjustments. However, one cannot adjust the other. Each is only allowed to adjust himself or herself. This can result in a permanent stalemate.
7. Love, of Course, is the Key that Unlocks the Door to a Lasting Marriage, but that Key is Hidden
It’s hidden beneath what someone has called two false loves — IF LOVE and BECAUSE LOVE. IF LOVE says I will love you if you will always be there for me, if you will never embarrass me, etc. This love is dependent totally upon the actions of the one loved. BECAUSE LOVE says I love you because of your personality, because of your appearance, etc. This love is dependent upon no one showing up with a greater personality or appearance. Real love is a 180-degree reverse. It is dependent solely upon the one loving. It’s called IN SPITE OF LOVE. It says I will always love you in spite of what you do, who you are or become. It is safe love. It is God’s kind of love. IN SPITE OF LOVE is very rare and not likely to occur.
But it Does Occur and Bumblebees Do Fly and My Thesis is Kaput. Praise God: Master Matchmaker!
